I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
