What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
this boner is exhausting
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
