If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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