i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she told me i tasted like america
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
