Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
