Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
