I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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