i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
