He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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