you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
