i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
