"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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