you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
