I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
