I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
