At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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