Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
