I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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