Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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