she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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