I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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