i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i think my cat just said my name.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize