my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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