Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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