The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
