I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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