it hurts more in the daytime
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
