the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
