I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize