Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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