I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
