just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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