i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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