I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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