At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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