hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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