Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
