My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
