I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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