you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
