cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
