She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
