Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
