I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
