I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
