guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
