i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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