go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
