No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
ttyl tear gas
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
