college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
