bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
