Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Randomize
