It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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