you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
