all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
