i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
