Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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