my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
