Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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