That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
