woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
foreskin is a definite game changer
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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