that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
