Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
