If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
