A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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