it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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