When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
