Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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