dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
