you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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