what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
