Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
