I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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